Oh, ho-ho, it's magic.

I'm still amazed by this Internet thing. Maybe because I'm not a techno-geek. (A geek, yes, because anyone who majored in ancient Greek is not normal. But I can be flummoxed by trying to open a can of beans.)

So this web deal verges on the supernatural to me. I'm astounded at how easy it is to contact anyone anywhere these days.

Thanks to the magical wonders of email, I recently reconnected with Fox News' Alan Colmes. (For blog readers outside the US, Alan is the liberal half of the enormously successful prime-time television debate show Hannity & Colmes in which Alan pairs-up with conservative Sean Hannity for nightly sparring.)

My quick email exchange with Alan released long-suppressed memories of my appearances years ago on his WPIX-FM radio show in New York—when, while a rock & roll musician I ran (clearly in response to some undiagnosed psychiatric disorder) as an independent candidate for US President.

Here's an example of our scintillating dialogue from a 1980 interview:

Alan: I'd like to be Secretary of Comedy.

Me: Well, my rule of patronage is "You scratch my back and I'll scratch my back."

Alan: What do you feel about war, John?

Me: I'm against it.

Alan: What are your feelings about marriage and the family?

Me: I think marriage is a wonderful thing. I think families are wonderful.

Alan: It's refreshing to hear this from a politician… Would you enforce strong drug laws?

Me: I'd like to institute a drug program of some kind. The first place I'd start is my band.

Alan: 1984 is kind of an Orwellian year… does that have any effect on your candidacy?

Me: Originally my motto was "Everybody's big brother," but I realized that might scare some people, so my new motto is: "Ask not what money can do for you, ask what you can do for money."

(I used several campaign mottos that year. My personal favorite was "If you can't trust a politician, whom can you trust?")

It turns out that my four-year campaign did not succeed in unseating the Republican incumbent, Ronald Reagan, in 1984 (though the write-in votes are still being tallied beneath the radar of the US Supreme Court).

The loss, and the hundreds of dollars I personally spent on the campaign, forced me to give up politics and become a management consultant. But let it be noted that Walter Mondale, the Democratic nominee, despite the prodigious resources available to him, won only one more state than I did that year. (This is indisputable proof of something, though I'm not sure exactly what.)

But I remain astonished that technology has made it so effortless to reconnect with friends and acquaintances of bygone ages—which can stir remembrances (significant or otherwise) of things past.


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6 Comments

  1. Have you thought of coming out of political retirement? Maybe Mr. Colmes could be your running mate. He might welcome the break from Hannity!

  2. Ted, I have to admit the 12-step program I've been on to manage my political addictions has been an abysmal failure. When home in my office I usually have a TV and 2 radios on. I had to apologize to Alan that I don't watch his nightly show because of my LHT condition** but if that passes I'll give it a view. What most folks don't realize is that Alan - once a stand-up comic - has a wickedly comedic side to him that isn't given free rein at Fox.

    **Low Hannity Tolerance

  3. Poor Alan gets it from both sides. The Right of course dismisses him as know-nothing and the Left dismisses him as a pseudo-lib that Fox trots out as a Hannity foil. I think that's an unfair rap. He's great on his radio show.

  4. on the other thread that threes not much chance for honest debate at this site so you're still hangin around leaves me with one conclusion that you're a punk troll lookin for a rise.Your stupid assertion that Colmes is used to project a flawed persona of liberals is offset by the many other sharp well spoken liberals that come on the show opposite of him and Hannity.Colmes actually drives his points quite well and is not as lame as you would like to have people dumber than me believe.His technique of speedy blabbering interuptions is something I can do without but I have seen him be very effective with this at times. Kirsten Powers, Tonya Ackerman or Ellis Henniken in their guest appearances have proven to me to be more capable of projecting the lame persona onto liberals that they deserve.After this and your comments on other threads it would be about time you started engaging in a decent debate so that you can prove this lack of intellect you say we all share.

    1. "Your stupid assertion that Colmes is used to project a flawed persona of liberals is offset by the many other sharp well spoken liberals that come on the show opposite of him and Hannity."

      I said that? I think you have me confused with someone else. Or do we have a little "projection" going on here? :-)

      "Colmes actually drives his points quite well and is not as lame as you would like to have people dumber than me believe."

      I think Colmes is brilliant, though I don't think Fox was/is a good platform for him. I had a great time when he interviewed me on his radio program. (The "scintillating dialogue" comment I made was an ironic reference to my answers not his questions.)

      Btw, I can't figure out if you're defending or attacking liberals. It appears that you think I'm attacking liberals.

      As far as "dumber than me" goes, I believe that commentators on this blog are highly intelligent, so dumber than you must include most of humanity by my calculation. Don't prove me wrong, Lola!

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